


Happy Houdini Day

by iOnlyDateSuperheroes (QueenUndertheBloodyMountain)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bucky is a little shit, Coulson is also a little shit, Even the doctors are probably theirs, F/M, I ship Darcy with all the things, Marvel owns everything, Mild Language, People need to lighten the fuck up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7203968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenUndertheBloodyMountain/pseuds/iOnlyDateSuperheroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bored Bucky, is a dangerous Bucky. The office chairs can attest to this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Houdini Day

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the every lovely [scarlettvision](http://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlettvision/pseuds/scarlettvision)

Bucky Barnes had been locked up in the SHIELD's Med-Bay for 5 months now. The cryo thing in Rwanda…hadn’t really panned out, so he’d opted to go through therapy in the New York office to be closer to Steve. Steve had had a…rather extensive…conversation with the new Head of SHIELD, some unremarkable looking man named Coulson who seemed much less intimidating than he actually was—Bucky would know, he had broken out of his room and read the man’s file a few weeks in.

The problem was though, that Bucky was _bored._

His usual days were just spent in his room well, cell; it was really a cell with more comfortable furnishings than anything else he’d had since becoming a weapon for the enemy. At first he’d been fine with it: they’d been trying to carefully find and deactivate any lingering triggers left inside his fucked up head, and he even got to meet new people and scare the daylights out of them. Usually he tried not to scare the dames—ladies, as they preferred being called ladies nowadays—but he made one male nurse wet himself, and that had been the best part of a whole week around two weeks in. But soon he had gotten bored, and a bored Bucky was never a very idle one. If Rebecca Barnes had been around, she could tell you _just how dangerous_ a bored Bucky Barnes could be. Hell, Stevie knew how much of a nuisance Buck could be when he was bored out of his thick skull; Bucky was surprised the punk hadn’t warned the staff beforehand. But honestly, Bucky was _really_ glad he hadn’t.

Thinking about Becky hurt sometimes; as did most of his memories before he fell. And usually he tried to cover those painful feelings with doing something, _anything_ , but there wasn’t really a lot to do in this place. Not after they questioned him carefully of how he was, and how things made him _feel_ and crap (did they not realize he came from, not only an era where men were told to repress everything, but from an organization that literally _tortured_ him into not feeling or vocalizing anything? Really?). So he had to get creative. The doctors and nurses didn’t like that either. And the guards _especially_ didn’t like it.

~~~

“Mr. Barnes, I don’t know what you wish to accomplish with these little stunts of yours, but I can assure you, they aren’t appreciated,” Doctor number 5 sighed, pushing the bridge of his glasses back up his nose. Doctor number 4 had glasses too, or was that 2? He couldn’t remember, all he really knew was that this time it was a man, and he looked like the vein in his forehead wasn’t appreciating Bucky’s little ‘adventures’ much either.

Bucky just stayed as he was, slumped back on his bed and leaning against the walls, picking at the nail of his middle finger with his thumb. They hadn’t given him a new arm yet—probably wouldn’t, seeing as he was dangerous enough without one as is.

“We can’t help you get better if you continue to ignore us James.”

Bucky looked up and pinned the man with a hard stare—he didn’t like it when they called him James, only his mother called him that; it was even worse when doctor number 3 had tried to call him Bucky, at least 1 had the decency to ask what he wanted to be called.

“Maybe you’ll be more talkative in a few days, _James_ ,” the doctor sneered, pocketing his pen and standing up to leave, “I don’t know what you expect here Mr. Barnes, but these childish antics of yours are going to stop, one way or another. The Director can only curb Captain Rogers’ inquiries about your recovery so long, before he has to admit that we can’t help you, and that you’d be better off in one of the cells downstairs than taking up room in our ward.”

Bucky snorted, giving the good doctor a cocky smirk before the balding jerk slipped out the door. He hadn’t even noticed Bucky lifting his key-card off of him.

And that was the last time he’d have to deal with Doctor number 5.

~~~

“The decaf coffee trick was actually funny Sgt. Barnes,” Phil Coulson told him, cool as a cucumber for someone who was locked in with a deadly assassin, the same assassin that had actually attempted—and nearly succeeded—in murdering his predecessor. “Although I have to admit, you may have made an enemy with our beloved tech expert and former hacktivist, Agent Skye.”

The smile Bucky gave him was actually real. And if the minor tick in Coulson’s lips was anything to go by, Coulson knew it too.

“Just trying to better channel all the pent up energy Director Coulson. I’m glad you approved of that one, it’s an oldie, but a goodie in my opinion. I myself was actually impressed by a lot of things I read in your case file—it’s hard to impress a man who was able to take down a few perps with hardly anything but a bag of flour.”

“Ah yes, I actually needed to talk to you about breaking into my personnel files; they’ll be moved to a discreet location within the next few days. Apparently some of the others were less than impressed, as it were, when they learned that you’d read nearly every report on file. Tony Stark in particular threw what I can safely call a tantrum, when he learned about it. I expect it’ll take you at least a few tries to actually find them this time; but I should warn you that they’ll be off base as I don’t feel like corralling a super-genius turned occasional toddler again.”

“Understood Director.”

“Good,” Phil nodded, lacing his fingers over his knee and leaning back some, “Now let’s talk about these little adventures of yours.”

~~~

They had started off pretty innocently honestly; one day Bucky realized he was bored, something he’d never really felt when he was an asset, or trying to get past being one, so he decided to do something about it. Creating a distraction had been easy enough—that particular guard had never returned, but the terror fueled screaming had caught enough people’s attention, that nobody saw him slip through the door that had been left open. That was the first time he had broken into the Director’s office, and read most of the personnel files most closely associated to Steve; he had to make sure the stupid punk had a good team looking after him after all.

They hadn’t appreciated Doctor Number 1 losing the most deadly patient in the ward, and he’d been assigned Doctor number 2 after that, as well as a new group of guards. He was a little sad to see that doc, Doctor Ramirez, go; she had been the most respectful and honest one yet, and the only one he had bothered to learn the name of.

The next cell was a little harder to get out of, but not impossible; shift changes were predictable and the surveillance equipment they had installed was laughable at best. After the new staff had gotten comfortable with him, and let their guards down about a month later, Bucky had found the opportune moment.

That time he escaped through the vent and actually ran into somebody in the ducts. The blonde man had just laughed and turned a corner leading who knows where, Bucky would have to do more exploring up here again some day. That was also the incident where he rearranged the furniture on the 1st floor; the people on the security team weren’t happy when they realized that their things had been played with and moved around, and nobody could really figure out just how Bucky had been able to glue so much furniture to the ceiling without it tearing something down. Shift changes were more precise after that, and his cell had been re-equipped with new surveillance; they even sprung for heat detection for him! It made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, knowing they cared.

Each new cell had something a little more creative added, and a little more difficult to bypass. But James Buchanan Barnes was an ex-assassin and Hydra spy, not to mention Steve Rogers’ childhood friend; trouble may as well have been in his name, and he had no problems in finding or starting it. So he continued to go through with his little escape acts—seriously, Harry Houdini had nothing on Bucky Barnes.

~~~

“You gonna sit there and stare all day, or are you actually going to eat something before they figure out you’re MIA again?” the curvy brunette snarked, shoving another piece of chimichanga in her mouth.

Ok, so Darcy Lewis had never been part of the mission, sue him.

Bucky just cocked his head and blinked at her—he didn’t usually say much as it was, Steve and the Director being the ones who had heard him speak the most in the 8 months since he had been found again.

“Look dude, if you want some of my chimichanga you’re pretty shit out of luck; my buddy, Wade personally suggested the little cart he get’s them at, and he does not skimp when it comes to Hispanic food. However, you’re all clear to chow down on that muffin there, and there’s still some coffee left in the pot over on the desk. It’s the good stuff too, Coulson loves me and forced Stark to get me the best as long as I behave and don’t scare the crap out of the newbies outside of training.”

Bucky hesitantly reached for the muffin, giving her a sideways look as he did so, making sure she wasn’t going to try and surprise attack him or something. To be fair though, that poor recruit had had _no_ idea what he had gotten himself into when he tried to subdue Bucky on his 5th breakout. It wasn’t _his_ fault the guy landed in hospital, 70 years of super soldier reflexes and conditioning is hard to ignore when someone lunges for you.

“There you go, Robocop, nothing scary about a blueberry muffin right?”

They ate in silence for a while, by his calculations he had been gone for about half an hour, so he probably had about fifteen or twenty minutes left to spend with Ms. Lewis. And he liked her company, so that was a plus. Any dame with a mouth like hers, that could probably make the meanest sailors blush back in the day, was all right by him. And she reminded him of a dame he used to know; one who painted her lips the color of blood, and didn’t take crap from anyone. He missed that woman, deep down, even if he did think he was losing his best guy once. A part of him would always hold her in the highest regards in his heart, especially after everything she did for Stevie…

“Looks like the warden’s thugs are here,” she mumbled around a mouthful of chimichanga, flicking her fork towards the door.

Damn, she was right; a group of six heavily armed guards was in the doorway, ready to escort him back to his room. They were much earlier than he had anticipated; they’d probably start screening the staff before and after they enter his cell now—oh well, he’ll just have to think of a new plan then.

“See you around, Barnes!” Darcy called, waving her utensil at him as he left with his escort service. “Call me when you break out again! Next time I’ll pack enough lunch for two!”

He never did get the chance to call before hand, but she had apparently started packing enough food for two anyway, he learned, as he sat down across from her to a plate of Dim Sum. Yea, she was all right by him.

~~~

“How many times have you broken out by now?”

“17.” He answered, shoving another piece of sausage into his mouth, he wasn’t sure where she had learned about kielbasa with potatoes, but God bless whoever showed it to her.

“Seriously? And 5 of those times you came up here to hang out with me? I’m almost flattered, and a little disbelieving.”

“You cuss more than Dum-Dum, are one of the most badass women I’ve ever known, are smart as a whip, and could be the pinup girl on the nose of a plane without even trying. Plus you bring good food. Why would I pass that up?”

“I don’t know, maybe you were running out of good ideas for practical jokes and needed a little more oomph in your daily escape artist routine?”

“Coulson’s letting me break out.”

“What?” She asked, surprised.

“I think that he’s just accepted that I’m going to do it. That or he was making it harder each time to test my skills? Either way, I’m pretty sure the staff still thinks I’m not supposed to leave, but Coulson’s definitely let security slack off enough for it not to be as difficult anymore. I kind of figured it our around escape number 9.”

“Was that the first time you showed up here looking like my own little lost hobo puppy?”

“Nope, that was number 10.”

Her laugh reminded him of sunny days and stuffed animal prizes at Coney Island; he decided he liked her laugh, and that it was probably one of his favorite sounds this time around.

~~~

“Hey Darce, Tasha sent these new charges with me to give to you for your tazer, are you sure you need so many though?”

“You’d be surprised Stevie, apparently she’s had to use that little gadget a lot more since she got to taze a god.”

Steve dropped some of the charges when he jumped in surprise, eyes flying back and forth from Bucky to Darcy in a mild panic. It was a few minutes before he could properly speak though.

“You—Buck! You’re supposed to be in medical, working on your recovery!”

“Relax Spangles,” Darcy giggled, taking a bite of the lasagna she had brought today, “The Buck-master has been coming by every Monday and Wednesday to brighten up my weeks for about three months now. Didn’t they tell you that down in Medical?”

“No!” he most certainly did not squeak, “Dr. Evensby never even mentioned it!”

“Is that what 8 is called? Huh, I thought it was Burberry or something.” 

“I think that was 7 Buck,” Darcy replied, “Or maybe 6?”

“What in the name of Christ is going on here?!” Steve yelled, grasping his hair a little too tight. Thankfully he’d already put the extra charges for Darcy’s tazer down, lest he hit himself in the head with them—not that it would have done anything besides break them.

“I was bored,” Bucky said, taking a bite out of Darcy’s triple chocolate cake. Dear god but this woman could cook, he thought, rich chocolate flavor overpowering his sense of speech momentarily. His groan made Darcy giggle and roll her eyes, exclaiming an “I know, I know, I’m amazing” before polishing off her lunch.

“Bu-but…”

“Look Steve, we’re pretty sure Coulson was actually encouraging Bucky the whole time, and it’s not like he ever actually hurt anyone. And the one guy who accidentally hit himself in the head on the doorframe, and the one that was dumb enough to try and jump Bucky don’t count! If the newbies can’t handle someone popping out of the air vents from time to time, they’ll never survive in the field, and if someone is stupid enough to try and wrangle an ex-assassin, well they deserve a mild concussion.”

“That doesn’t defeat the fact that he should be in Medical right now Darcy! How is he ever supposed to recover if he’s not letting the doctors help him!”

“The doctors are a bunch of idiots Stevie,” Bucky argued, spinning around in his chair to face his best friend. “The _only_ one who had any sense was the first one, and they carted her off the first time I broke out! If I had known they were going to fire her just for that, I probably never would have done it in the first place, but now it’s just because they annoy me and they don’t let me do anything! Hell number 5 made it very obvious where most of them _really_ thought I should have been; in an _actual_ cell ten floors below ground.”

Steve’s jaw clenched and he put his hands on his hips; he hadn’t known about that, or he would have given the entire medical staff an earful. Darcy on the other hand, _had_ known, and may have punched the guy in the jaw because of that comment—not that Bucky knew about it of course. And she wasn’t keen on telling him; admitting that you were crushing on a super hot, super soldier was bad enough, but crushing on an ex-brainwashed-Hydra-assassin turned sometimes-lunch-buddy was a whole new level of dumb, even beyond her limits she thought.

“Look punk,” Bucky sighed, looking up at his best friend with his patented hobo-puppy eyes, “I’ve felt more ok and more like _myself_ here with Darcy and hanging out with you, than I have since I first started remembering things. I know I’ve still got triggers, and even Clint and Nat have offered to help me with them, but I really think I’m doing a lot better now. Keeping me holed up in that 6’x6’ room with bolted furniture isn’t doing anything but making me want to crawl up the walls. I feel better now—maybe not as good as I was before, but definitely better than I ever have been since the Alps. And if anything changes, you’ll be the first one to know besides Darce, ok?”

Steve looked like he wanted to protest but he nodded his assent anyway, after all, if Bucky felt good enough to joke and pull pranks like they used to back in the day, Steve really couldn’t find it in himself to try and lock his best friend away when it didn’t seem to be doing any good.

“Alright Jerk,” Steve smiled, “But first sign of trouble and I’m throwing you over my shoulder and hauling your sorry ass back downstairs, got it?”

“Ooh, language Stevie,” Bucky teased, spearing another bite of cake with his fork, “You kissin’ dames with that mouth?”

“Fuck you Barnes,” the Captain teased back, shoving his friend’s shoulder playfully, “You know I only keep up that shit to confuse Stark. Little shit still hasn’t figured it out yet either; he may be a genius, but he seems to be lacking a lot of common sense. Hey, you got any more cake Darce?”

“God this is _so_ going on Facebook,” Darcy laughed, snapping a picture of both men shoving their faces with chocolate cake. “Freaking super soldiers man.”

~~~

Three months later and Bucky was bringing lunch to Darcy, homemade meatloaf and an apple pie from home, with a special card tucked into his side. When she read it, she laughed so hard she cried, and kissed him long and deep, barely letting him up for air. The “Happy Houdini Day” card left on the desk in front of her as she decided that they totally deserved a day off together, preferably one with less clothes and more kisses.

Yea, a bored Bucky Barnes was always dangerous; maybe Darcy Lewis like a bit of danger though. Or so she’s led him to believe.

And if he leaves a “Punk for a Day” card on Steve’s desk that year, well, nobody can really blame him, right?

**~FIN~**

**Author's Note:**

> So “Punk for a Day” is a real day every October 25th. I couldn’t find whether or not there actually IS a “Houdini Day” but there is a:
> 
> -Hug a GI day (March 4th)
> 
> -National Puppy Day (March 23rd)
> 
> and
> 
> -Make Your Own Holiday Day (March 26th)
> 
> Credit to [Holiday Insights](http://www.holidayinsights.com/)


End file.
